Let's Go Jungle! is a fixed-lightgun rail shooter. Aliens was a fixed-lightgun rail shooter. Because of this you may assume that Let's Go Jungle! is totally awesome like Aliens. It's not.
Players take on the role of a young couple who are left stranded on a jungle island when giant spiders kill their (grotesque racist caricature) guides. With no way to defend themselves but two AK-47s and the power of love, players must set out to kill pretty much every living thing between them and the nearest Ramada.
Power of love, you say? What's that about? Apparently, this game was designed with actual couples in mind (which is dumb, no woman has willingly gone in an arcade since 1983) because in between acts the protagonists get all lovey-dovey and you get rated on how good you are as a couple. Seriously. If you both shoot the same creature? You understand each other as true friends. Protect your significant other from that lunging monster-leech, and you're clearly a loving partner. This can get a little uncomfortable if you aren't playing with your real SO, especially since the sit-down cabinet has privacy drapes.
Gameplay is pretty lackluster. The guns are ridiculously hard to aim accurately and don't want to aim at the far sides of the screen. There seems to be some smoothing that distorts how your aim tracks as well. There are a few fun quick-time events where players must move the guns around to do stuff in-game, but they're way too easy and don't add much to the whole affair. The graphics are pretty, but look oddly like those of the Sims games.
Overall Let's Go Jungle! is a pretty forgettable game. Not as fun as its premise would imply, or as exciting as it's genre demands, it's like a real trek through dense forest: frustrating and tedious.
4/10 (It'd be lower but player 2 is kind of hot)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Mad Housewife White Zinfandel
Basically hobo wine for non-hobos, white zinfandels have been the guilty pleasure of the middle class since time immemorial. Bottled and served before it's old enough to drive, as sugary as orange Faygo, and the color of really cheap perfume, white zinfandel is a tasty dinnertime, snacktime, anytime wine with no artistic merit or complexity. If you can't justify buying that bottle of Tres Banditos, and Asti is too expensive, you probably want to go for some white zinfandel.
Mad Housewife, which seems to be positioned as wine for alcoholic homemakers, makes a pretty bleh zinfandel. The wine is pretty fizzy, and despite some initial sweetness has a kind of bitter, chalky aftertaste. It's totally possible the bottle I got was skunked; it certainly tasted pretty funky. Then again, it could just be nasty cheap wine. White zinfandel usually toes the line between sugar water and vinegar pretty closely, and this stuff tasted like it just skipped a bit too far to the side.
Let me just say I am no wine snob. I make lemonade with chablis. I like Boone's Farm. I didn't like Mad Housewife, and since there are approximately a million different brands of cheapo white wine to choose from, I don't see much reason to give it another shot.
2/10
Mad Housewife, which seems to be positioned as wine for alcoholic homemakers, makes a pretty bleh zinfandel. The wine is pretty fizzy, and despite some initial sweetness has a kind of bitter, chalky aftertaste. It's totally possible the bottle I got was skunked; it certainly tasted pretty funky. Then again, it could just be nasty cheap wine. White zinfandel usually toes the line between sugar water and vinegar pretty closely, and this stuff tasted like it just skipped a bit too far to the side.
Let me just say I am no wine snob. I make lemonade with chablis. I like Boone's Farm. I didn't like Mad Housewife, and since there are approximately a million different brands of cheapo white wine to choose from, I don't see much reason to give it another shot.
2/10
Monday, March 30, 2009
Skype for the iPhone
Skype for the iPhone. The first thing I noticed is it's VERY unstable. No matter what I do in the app, it crashes within the first minute or so. I even tried resetting my phone thinking it was just a glitch. Nope. Crashes almost instantly. How can you release an app like Skype for a device like the iPhone and not at least iron out stability issues? It's unusable as it stands right now.
Aside from the usability of the app based on stability, there are some worthy mentions about the Skype app. The interface is pretty nice. It's intuitive and familiar if you've used Skype before. It has some nice features such as importing contacts from the iPhone contacts list and using a picture from the camera roll as your profile pic. It's also got the standard iPhone interface for input as well which is decent.
I called my wife on our cellphone with skype out and also dialed the test call which is available upon the install. The call worked and was somewhat decent but sounded kind of tinny and there was some slight echoes. Skype has always been like this but it seemed a bit worse than usual.
Overall, I think this will be a cool app once they fix the stability issues, but until then I have no need to click on it and will refrain from doing so. 4/10
Aside from the usability of the app based on stability, there are some worthy mentions about the Skype app. The interface is pretty nice. It's intuitive and familiar if you've used Skype before. It has some nice features such as importing contacts from the iPhone contacts list and using a picture from the camera roll as your profile pic. It's also got the standard iPhone interface for input as well which is decent.
I called my wife on our cellphone with skype out and also dialed the test call which is available upon the install. The call worked and was somewhat decent but sounded kind of tinny and there was some slight echoes. Skype has always been like this but it seemed a bit worse than usual.
Overall, I think this will be a cool app once they fix the stability issues, but until then I have no need to click on it and will refrain from doing so. 4/10
Inkheart
I just recently watched Inkheart with some friends and was surprised that behind the corniness, and sub par acting, there was actually a decent story underneath.
Inkheart stars Brendan Fraiser, the current cheeseball fantasy/adventure actor that gets all of these roles. Basically Brendan's character "Mo" is a silver tongue, which means he can read a fictional book and make the stuff in the book actually happen. This being the setting for the film, lays the ground work for a slightly different twist on the heroic save the world/girl genre.
All in all, Inkheart is definitely a movie that the kids will enjoy, and if you can get past the corniness of it then you will actually enjoy watching the film. 6/10
Inkheart stars Brendan Fraiser, the current cheeseball fantasy/adventure actor that gets all of these roles. Basically Brendan's character "Mo" is a silver tongue, which means he can read a fictional book and make the stuff in the book actually happen. This being the setting for the film, lays the ground work for a slightly different twist on the heroic save the world/girl genre.
All in all, Inkheart is definitely a movie that the kids will enjoy, and if you can get past the corniness of it then you will actually enjoy watching the film. 6/10
Inkheart
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Dark Messiah of Might and Magic
There's a good game hidden inside Dark Messiah of Might and Magic, but you have to ignore the hype to play it. The box for this game would have you believe you're playing some kind of 5th-grade Might and Magic fanfiction, a dark, edgy game with blood and guts and killing and evil and death and also grit and nastiness. You won't be. The game has blood and stabbing and whatnot, sure, but it's not extreme or edgy or any of that. It contains wizards with silly voices, maidens fair, cuclopses (cyclopi?) and all that fun stuff you'd expect from a fantasy game.
If you actually were expecting BloodKillHackcorpes: The Deathening, well, you'll be let down.
DMMM casts you in the mold of a generic fantasy hero who gets bounced around between incontinent old men performing quests. You get a hot spirit familiar who lives in your head because, you know, Halo, and you find and master an array of weapons. You also level up, learning various traits to become stealthier, stronger, or more magical. It's basically a fantasy Deus Ex, which suits me fine- it's certainly better than Deus Ex 2, so it works as a sequel, at least as well as Bioshock worked as a sequel to System Shock.
The big hook of this game is supposed to be combat, and it is pretty great. There's an Errol Flynn pirate movie swashbuckling feel to fighting in this game, as you hurl debris, trip your enemies, and kick dudes off of things. Or into things. Or over things. Kicking quickly becomes your most valuable attack, due to its power to propel your enemies into the many, many, many environmental traps that abound in this game. You can also block, do special melee attacks, and cast all sorts of fun spells. You can even sneak, which is a viable option because enemies can dish it out at least as well as you in most cases.
So if you can ignore the "there's blood and murder and EEEEEEEVILLLL" hype, this is a pretty fun FPS-RPG-action title. Just remember that F makes your dude kick, and you'll be fine.
7/10
If you actually were expecting BloodKillHackcorpes: The Deathening, well, you'll be let down.
DMMM casts you in the mold of a generic fantasy hero who gets bounced around between incontinent old men performing quests. You get a hot spirit familiar who lives in your head because, you know, Halo, and you find and master an array of weapons. You also level up, learning various traits to become stealthier, stronger, or more magical. It's basically a fantasy Deus Ex, which suits me fine- it's certainly better than Deus Ex 2, so it works as a sequel, at least as well as Bioshock worked as a sequel to System Shock.
The big hook of this game is supposed to be combat, and it is pretty great. There's an Errol Flynn pirate movie swashbuckling feel to fighting in this game, as you hurl debris, trip your enemies, and kick dudes off of things. Or into things. Or over things. Kicking quickly becomes your most valuable attack, due to its power to propel your enemies into the many, many, many environmental traps that abound in this game. You can also block, do special melee attacks, and cast all sorts of fun spells. You can even sneak, which is a viable option because enemies can dish it out at least as well as you in most cases.
So if you can ignore the "there's blood and murder and EEEEEEEVILLLL" hype, this is a pretty fun FPS-RPG-action title. Just remember that F makes your dude kick, and you'll be fine.
7/10
Thursday, March 26, 2009
ScummVM iPhone
Remember those old Lucas Arts adventure games you used to play when you were a kid? Sam and Max, Secret of Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle, etc? Well now you can relive those old adventure games while on the go.
The ScummVM project has been around for several years and the good folks involved in this project have ported ScummVM to several devices and platforms including the iPhone. ScummVM is a game engine interpreter, which basically means it's an outlet to run the old games that you once played through a newer game engine. Think of it like an emulator of sorts, but not.
The touch screen interface of the iPhone works very well in conjunction with the old point and click style adventure games and they have added other features such as swipe gestures, accelerometer support, and a built in keypad. In order to get ScummVM you must install it from the cydia iPhone app repository. You must jailbreak your iPhone to get this. Jailbreaking an iPhone is very easy and shouldn't cause any harm to your phone or iTouch (though I'm not responsible for any damages, etc. etc. that "could" happen if you want to try this out :) )
All in all, the iPhone is a great interface for games like this and ScummVM rocks. If you are feeling brave, then jailbreak your iPhone and relive your childhood memories of when games were actually good and humorous. 7/10
The ScummVM project has been around for several years and the good folks involved in this project have ported ScummVM to several devices and platforms including the iPhone. ScummVM is a game engine interpreter, which basically means it's an outlet to run the old games that you once played through a newer game engine. Think of it like an emulator of sorts, but not.
The touch screen interface of the iPhone works very well in conjunction with the old point and click style adventure games and they have added other features such as swipe gestures, accelerometer support, and a built in keypad. In order to get ScummVM you must install it from the cydia iPhone app repository. You must jailbreak your iPhone to get this. Jailbreaking an iPhone is very easy and shouldn't cause any harm to your phone or iTouch (though I'm not responsible for any damages, etc. etc. that "could" happen if you want to try this out :) )
All in all, the iPhone is a great interface for games like this and ScummVM rocks. If you are feeling brave, then jailbreak your iPhone and relive your childhood memories of when games were actually good and humorous. 7/10
Trace iPhone game
Trace is a very cool game which is available on the iPhone's apps store. It's a platformer as well as a puzzle game. I believe I got this one for free but I can't remember, I would probably still pay a couple of bucks for it though if I had to.
In Trace you draw your platforms using the touch screen of the iPhone. You move your character (a stick person) through the level using touch controls and maneuver through objects by drawing platforms at various locations, lengths, and steepness.
There are several levels and some of them can be very challenging. The game is also fun for kids so if you feel safe handing your son or daughter the phone for a bit, they will get a kick out of it too. All in all, a very well done and thought out game. I hope they add more content in the future. 8/10
In Trace you draw your platforms using the touch screen of the iPhone. You move your character (a stick person) through the level using touch controls and maneuver through objects by drawing platforms at various locations, lengths, and steepness.
There are several levels and some of them can be very challenging. The game is also fun for kids so if you feel safe handing your son or daughter the phone for a bit, they will get a kick out of it too. All in all, a very well done and thought out game. I hope they add more content in the future. 8/10
Pocket Money for iPhone
Pocket Money for the iphone... where to begin. I like the ability to pull in QIF data but there are no filters or customization to do this so it just pulls in all information. It takes a long time to load anything more than six months to a years worth of data and it likes to lock up the phone from time to time.
There is absolutely no way to set up scheduled reminders, only scheduled transactions, so if you are like me and still manually pay all of your bills online then you will be annoyed by the automatic transactions.
They have a graphing system but nothing as complex as quicken or other products. The graphs are built using the google API which is cool, but honestly it's not very pretty or customizable and you need this for a money app.
The pricing is pretty high too for an iPhone app and I felt ripped off that I paid 5 bucks for this app, especially since I ended up deleting it. If you want my opinion, stay away from this app and get something more basic from the appstore like "Checkbook" which is only 99 cents. 4/10
There is absolutely no way to set up scheduled reminders, only scheduled transactions, so if you are like me and still manually pay all of your bills online then you will be annoyed by the automatic transactions.
They have a graphing system but nothing as complex as quicken or other products. The graphs are built using the google API which is cool, but honestly it's not very pretty or customizable and you need this for a money app.
The pricing is pretty high too for an iPhone app and I felt ripped off that I paid 5 bucks for this app, especially since I ended up deleting it. If you want my opinion, stay away from this app and get something more basic from the appstore like "Checkbook" which is only 99 cents. 4/10
Lose It! iPhone app
Lose It! is a weight loss app for the iPhone. You can get it for free from the app store. This application is very well done and probably one of my favorite apps on the iPhone.
Lose It! captures your daily calories balance as well as nutritional information. You can set goals for weight loss and track your weight loss by a line graph. You can add various food and exercises from a database or add your own custom food and exercises.
I have lose 28 pounds in under three months because this application is so easy to manage and keep track of everything. I definitely recommend this app if you are planning on losing some unwanted weight. 10/10
Lose It! captures your daily calories balance as well as nutritional information. You can set goals for weight loss and track your weight loss by a line graph. You can add various food and exercises from a database or add your own custom food and exercises.
I have lose 28 pounds in under three months because this application is so easy to manage and keep track of everything. I definitely recommend this app if you are planning on losing some unwanted weight. 10/10
Marky Mark's Make My Video (SegaCD)
Mark Wahlberg is famous today for hosting PBS shows for old people and starring in M. Night Shymalan's The Happening, a film so exceptional that it totally swept the 2008 academy awards. But as a young man, Mr. Wahlburg was known for being a racist PCP-addicted criminal, and rapping under the name Marky Mark. He was pretty big in the wretched 90s, but something else was even bigger- Sega.
Few people played any SegaCD games at all but those who did may remember the Make My Video series. These games challenged players to mix their own videos from really awful canned footage and ugly special effects to make a movie that a specific NPC would enjoy. Cool idea, but a video game console only slightly less powerful than a really good calculator wasn't the place for it. The video looks like a scrambled porno channel, and the sound, for coming off a CD, is pretty tinny. And oh boy, are there loading times.
Kids unlucky or dumb enough to own MMMMV could pick between 2 or three Marky Mark tracks, then splice their own videos from a mixture of real video footage (Mark Wahlburg without a shirt) and odd stock clips (I made a video for Good Vibrations that was nothing but cats in harnesses boxing each other and Michigan J. Frog). Then you turn these videos in to you in-game parents, principal, the girls smoking in the restroom, and a professional boxer who just hangs out at your characters' school. Please them, and you win.
MMMMV boldly tried to take advantage of CD media to deliver a new experience: making trippy videos for a lousy rapper to impress your dad. All it really succeeded in doing was making Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective look good, but that's still quite an achievement.
1/10 (Play the INXS one instead)
Few people played any SegaCD games at all but those who did may remember the Make My Video series. These games challenged players to mix their own videos from really awful canned footage and ugly special effects to make a movie that a specific NPC would enjoy. Cool idea, but a video game console only slightly less powerful than a really good calculator wasn't the place for it. The video looks like a scrambled porno channel, and the sound, for coming off a CD, is pretty tinny. And oh boy, are there loading times.
Kids unlucky or dumb enough to own MMMMV could pick between 2 or three Marky Mark tracks, then splice their own videos from a mixture of real video footage (Mark Wahlburg without a shirt) and odd stock clips (I made a video for Good Vibrations that was nothing but cats in harnesses boxing each other and Michigan J. Frog). Then you turn these videos in to you in-game parents, principal, the girls smoking in the restroom, and a professional boxer who just hangs out at your characters' school. Please them, and you win.
MMMMV boldly tried to take advantage of CD media to deliver a new experience: making trippy videos for a lousy rapper to impress your dad. All it really succeeded in doing was making Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective look good, but that's still quite an achievement.
1/10 (Play the INXS one instead)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Samuel Adams Winter Lager
I really enjoyed this beer. Especially after the dud that I drank earlier that night. This Lager was a dark color and had a very bold taste to it. It poured very heavily and the head was very pronounced.
The winter lager went down real smooth it kept me wanting more. Good job Sam! 7/10
The winter lager went down real smooth it kept me wanting more. Good job Sam! 7/10
Blue Moon Winter Ale
The Blue Moon Winter Ale is a darker ale. It's apparently made by the Coors manufacturer. I didn't enjoy this brew much as I thought it was very flat, bland, and dull tasting.
It left me wanting more and I was just thinking about the next ale I was going to be drinking instead of this dud. The head was a thin white film with no body to it. 4/10
It left me wanting more and I was just thinking about the next ale I was going to be drinking instead of this dud. The head was a thin white film with no body to it. 4/10
Battlestar Galatica Ending Season Grand Finale
I started watching this Sci-Fi at work and I must say it\'s a very interesting and entertaining program. I haven\'t had the chance to watch the whole series just yet. But I\'m going too!
I will not ruin the ending of the series for anyone, but let me tell you it was something I never thought would happen. I\'ll just let you sit there and ponder upon excitement!!! It was GREAT!
I will not ruin the ending of the series for anyone, but let me tell you it was something I never thought would happen. I\'ll just let you sit there and ponder upon excitement!!! It was GREAT!
Twilight
The movie Twilight, no good. I kept waiting for the action, the climax, anything...never happened. The kid playing the main vampire looked like a pretty boy with far to much make up. What was with him acting as if he would throw up just looking at the chic, thought that was rather funny.
All my friends and family that watched the movie with me liked, I must have really missed something then because it was dumb! I like vampire movies usually and I was very disappointed in this film. It was more like watching a 2 hour music video rather then sitting through a movie. Two thumbs WAY down!
All my friends and family that watched the movie with me liked, I must have really missed something then because it was dumb! I like vampire movies usually and I was very disappointed in this film. It was more like watching a 2 hour music video rather then sitting through a movie. Two thumbs WAY down!
Monday, March 23, 2009
ASUS P6T Deluxe - X58 Motherboard
I recently built a Core i7 computer, and my motherboard of choice was the Asus P6T Deluxe. This is my first Asus motherboard, however they are a pillar in the computer hardware industry and have been making top notch motherboards and other hardware for years upon years. Clocking in at a hot 299.99, this is definitely an expensive motherboard, and I didn't even get the "ultimate" version. You can step up to the OC/Palm edition, which has some kind of funky external LCD display that will tell you volatages, temps, and other such things. I didn't feel this was necessary, so I stuck with the deluxe version.
Installation was a snap. My Antec Twelve Hundred case gave me plenty of room to get this sucker installed in no time. Oh, and for those reading, that case I mentioned is FANTASTIC. I'll get to that review later. Anyway, the board is laid out very nicely and offers a ton of connectivity. Although 3-way SLI is not going to happen on this board, that is pretty much a non-issue for everyone but .000000001 percent of the computer gaming population. You also get 8 SATA ports, so you can really load up the hard drives if that's your thing. It's also a nice looking board. For those of you with see through cases, this board is certainly a looker. Also, the power and reset buttons on the board itself will be handy for extreme overclockers or system builders who prefer to have the guts of their computer just hanging out on a table somewhere. That's not my thing, but overall I was impressed by the look and build quality of this board.
Normally when I build a computer, the first time I hit the power button nothing happens. Not this time baby! Everything worked perfect from the first push. After installing my OS, I proceeded to begin overclocking this beastly system I made. This board makes overclocking a cakewalk. In 10 minutes I went from 2.66Ghz to 3.62GHz and even as high as 3.9GHz (with Hyperthreading enabled). I ended up scaling it back to 3.63 in the end as this was the sweet spot of temps/performance. Under full load (8 instances of Prime 95) my temps were in the 65-67 range.
I've now been running this setup for over a month without a single problem. I love this motherboard, and the Intel Core i7 processor just destroys every other processor on the market. I couldn't be happier with this system. It's expensive, but well worth every penny.
ASUS has a real winner on their hands with the P6T Deluxe motherboard. It's rock stable and even a novice overclocker will have his/her (I'm betting his) system overclocked in no time at all. The version I have is being phased out for a slightly cheaper (10 dollars) version that removes a 3rd party SATA controller (and I think 2 of the SATA ports) but everything else remains exactly the same.
This is a great board for anyone looking to build a Core i7 system. However, there are now X58 boards on the market much cheaper than this version. If you are planning to overclock, then by all means go with this board, however if you are planning on running at stock speeds, I'd recommend looking into Gigabyte's entry level X58 motherboard. It packs a ton of features for about 100 dollars less.
Installation was a snap. My Antec Twelve Hundred case gave me plenty of room to get this sucker installed in no time. Oh, and for those reading, that case I mentioned is FANTASTIC. I'll get to that review later. Anyway, the board is laid out very nicely and offers a ton of connectivity. Although 3-way SLI is not going to happen on this board, that is pretty much a non-issue for everyone but .000000001 percent of the computer gaming population. You also get 8 SATA ports, so you can really load up the hard drives if that's your thing. It's also a nice looking board. For those of you with see through cases, this board is certainly a looker. Also, the power and reset buttons on the board itself will be handy for extreme overclockers or system builders who prefer to have the guts of their computer just hanging out on a table somewhere. That's not my thing, but overall I was impressed by the look and build quality of this board.
Normally when I build a computer, the first time I hit the power button nothing happens. Not this time baby! Everything worked perfect from the first push. After installing my OS, I proceeded to begin overclocking this beastly system I made. This board makes overclocking a cakewalk. In 10 minutes I went from 2.66Ghz to 3.62GHz and even as high as 3.9GHz (with Hyperthreading enabled). I ended up scaling it back to 3.63 in the end as this was the sweet spot of temps/performance. Under full load (8 instances of Prime 95) my temps were in the 65-67 range.
I've now been running this setup for over a month without a single problem. I love this motherboard, and the Intel Core i7 processor just destroys every other processor on the market. I couldn't be happier with this system. It's expensive, but well worth every penny.
ASUS has a real winner on their hands with the P6T Deluxe motherboard. It's rock stable and even a novice overclocker will have his/her (I'm betting his) system overclocked in no time at all. The version I have is being phased out for a slightly cheaper (10 dollars) version that removes a 3rd party SATA controller (and I think 2 of the SATA ports) but everything else remains exactly the same.
This is a great board for anyone looking to build a Core i7 system. However, there are now X58 boards on the market much cheaper than this version. If you are planning to overclock, then by all means go with this board, however if you are planning on running at stock speeds, I'd recommend looking into Gigabyte's entry level X58 motherboard. It packs a ton of features for about 100 dollars less.
Quantum Leap - Season 3 Episode 16 - Southern Comfort
Ah, Quantum Leap...they just don't make shows this good anymore. Anyway, this has become my "workout show" for the time being, and I am now on the 16th episode of season 3 titled "Southern Comfort." Sam (our body leaping/time traveling hero played by Scott Bakula) finds himself leaping into both the year 1961 and the body of a local New Orleans Bordello proprietor. Sam must struggle to protect one of his girls from her abusive husband who has managed to track her down and is hell bent on bringing her home by any means necessary. Naturally, our damsel in undress...errr distress does not want to go with him as she jumped into marriage BEFORE finding out he was an abusive jackass.
Al (played by the always wonderful Dean Stockwell) is fantastic in this episode. His horndog nature is in full force as he cavorts around the whorehouse wishing he could get away from Sam and spend some time looking at the ladies. This is actually a very well done episode. It's well paced, has some colorful characters, and is a showcase character wise for Sam and Al. It has a very nice combo of comic relief, urgency, drama, and good acting that makes the 44 minutes just fly by. This is especially good when you're running on an elliptical machine.
In the end, Sam saves the day by blackmailing the abusive hubby. He stops chasing tail and instead turns tail and heads out the door to never bother his wife again. Sam has once again set things right and he leaps out before Al can scurry upstairs to watch one of the "ladies of the night" take a bath.
This was a good and entertaining episode of a fanastic series. Season 3 has been mostly awesome so far, with only a few stinkers here and there. I'll get to those later, as I plan on going back and reviewing every episode of this series. Until then, I am leaping out of here!
Al (played by the always wonderful Dean Stockwell) is fantastic in this episode. His horndog nature is in full force as he cavorts around the whorehouse wishing he could get away from Sam and spend some time looking at the ladies. This is actually a very well done episode. It's well paced, has some colorful characters, and is a showcase character wise for Sam and Al. It has a very nice combo of comic relief, urgency, drama, and good acting that makes the 44 minutes just fly by. This is especially good when you're running on an elliptical machine.
In the end, Sam saves the day by blackmailing the abusive hubby. He stops chasing tail and instead turns tail and heads out the door to never bother his wife again. Sam has once again set things right and he leaps out before Al can scurry upstairs to watch one of the "ladies of the night" take a bath.
This was a good and entertaining episode of a fanastic series. Season 3 has been mostly awesome so far, with only a few stinkers here and there. I'll get to those later, as I plan on going back and reviewing every episode of this series. Until then, I am leaping out of here!
WebWorks ePublisher 2008.3
Oooooooooooooooh boy.
How to start this off? Have you ever used a product, and you thought it was pretty good, and so you decided that when an upgrade came out, you'd buy it? And so you do, and the day comes and you install your new program... And it's lousy?
If you liked to use WebWorks ePublisher 9.3 to render HTML help files, then buy yourself the new version and this experience can be yours.
The first thing you'll notice is that the two parts of the suite, Pro and Express pretty much must be used together. Why? Because only Express can apply stationary (formatting files used in ePublisher) and only Pro can create them. Pro also can't do much of anything with earlier webworks projects that have stationary applied meaning that if you want to edit any of your 9.3 stationary, too bad, you can't.
Pro takes longer than ever to create help (a real curse since you'll be using it to rebuild your stationaries whenever you make changes) and just as with older versions, most changes to your help must be made in the files and hard code of your projects. Why not just use Dreamweaver? I had to use Dreamweaver, and Microsoft Word, AND Photoshop just to recreate a stationary in Pro.
Speaking of Word, if you want to make help from Word files in ePublisher 2008.3, you'll pay for the pleasure. WebWorks now licenses the codecs for different filetypes independently, so if you buy the licensing to make help files from FrameMaker, then decide you need Word, you'll have to pay. How much? More than a little.
Bottom line: unless you're trying to build a help system from DITA (which this version of ePublisher actually seems pretty good at) this is a shabby excuse for an upgrade and may actually cost you some functionality. Oh, and don't bother consulting WebWorks' documentation- your main source of ePublisher info will be the official blog, created by WebWorks so users could come together and share solutions to their problems. Hey WebWorks: next time try hiring PAID BETA TESTERS. It gets the job done faster, so you might be able to release a good product.
1/10
How to start this off? Have you ever used a product, and you thought it was pretty good, and so you decided that when an upgrade came out, you'd buy it? And so you do, and the day comes and you install your new program... And it's lousy?
If you liked to use WebWorks ePublisher 9.3 to render HTML help files, then buy yourself the new version and this experience can be yours.
The first thing you'll notice is that the two parts of the suite, Pro and Express pretty much must be used together. Why? Because only Express can apply stationary (formatting files used in ePublisher) and only Pro can create them. Pro also can't do much of anything with earlier webworks projects that have stationary applied meaning that if you want to edit any of your 9.3 stationary, too bad, you can't.
Pro takes longer than ever to create help (a real curse since you'll be using it to rebuild your stationaries whenever you make changes) and just as with older versions, most changes to your help must be made in the files and hard code of your projects. Why not just use Dreamweaver? I had to use Dreamweaver, and Microsoft Word, AND Photoshop just to recreate a stationary in Pro.
Speaking of Word, if you want to make help from Word files in ePublisher 2008.3, you'll pay for the pleasure. WebWorks now licenses the codecs for different filetypes independently, so if you buy the licensing to make help files from FrameMaker, then decide you need Word, you'll have to pay. How much? More than a little.
Bottom line: unless you're trying to build a help system from DITA (which this version of ePublisher actually seems pretty good at) this is a shabby excuse for an upgrade and may actually cost you some functionality. Oh, and don't bother consulting WebWorks' documentation- your main source of ePublisher info will be the official blog, created by WebWorks so users could come together and share solutions to their problems. Hey WebWorks: next time try hiring PAID BETA TESTERS. It gets the job done faster, so you might be able to release a good product.
1/10
Did you know...
Did you know that you can now add multiple categories to your reviews, and also add tags to your reviews as well? To add multiple categories simply separate each category by a space but include them in brackets like so:
subject: [Action] [Drama] [Comedy] Forest Gump
In order to add tags, just include the word "tags:" at the bottom of your review and separate multiple tags by commas.
tags: maduro, churchill, CAO
subject: [Action] [Drama] [Comedy] Forest Gump
In order to add tags, just include the word "tags:" at the bottom of your review and separate multiple tags by commas.
tags: maduro, churchill, CAO
Sunday, March 22, 2009
No More Heroes - First Impressions
No More Heroes is a third person action game for the Nintendo Wii. I had high hopes for this game and was very disappointed. I know they were trying to capture a unique game but in my opinion they just captured crap.
The game is centered around a character who thinks he is very cool yet ends up just being real lame instead. It's supposed to be open like GTA but ends up being very linear. I don't mind linear games if they have a decent story behind them but the story in this game is basically: "kill other assassins to become number one.". Combat is boring, and it doesn't make good use of the wii controls. It counts down before battle, locks you in your environment, and spawns new enemies out of nowhere.
The graphics suck, the "open" city has almost NO cars or civilians, and you can\'t die or effect your environment. I probably won\'t even continue playing since it's a waste of my time with no entertainment value what so ever. No More Heroes should be called No More Fun as this game is a dud. 2/10.
The game is centered around a character who thinks he is very cool yet ends up just being real lame instead. It's supposed to be open like GTA but ends up being very linear. I don't mind linear games if they have a decent story behind them but the story in this game is basically: "kill other assassins to become number one.". Combat is boring, and it doesn't make good use of the wii controls. It counts down before battle, locks you in your environment, and spawns new enemies out of nowhere.
The graphics suck, the "open" city has almost NO cars or civilians, and you can\'t die or effect your environment. I probably won\'t even continue playing since it's a waste of my time with no entertainment value what so ever. No More Heroes should be called No More Fun as this game is a dud. 2/10.
Mechwarrior (SNES)
It's the 1990s. The Internet has yet to ruin tabletop gaming, and the game on everyone's lips is... Magic the Gathering. But if you wanted to play something more sophisticated, there was the Battletech/Mechwarrior franchise. These games combined DnD sensibilities with giant robot action and the overall flavor of the Dune books to create an exciting role-playing universe for gamers.
The only problem was expressing the game world to those playing. It's all well and good to say "you are looking out of the cockpit of a big robot and walking on people" over a cluttered table while swilling Mountain Dew, but it lacks oomph. The obvious thing to do was to make a video game that simulated the Mechwarrior experience.
Early DOS attempts produced interesting games that were less about combat and more about hiring and managing groups of mech mercenaries. Strategy was all well and good, but gamers wanted to jump into big robots and murder other big robots containing their friends. Of course the was the arcade game, but that was a virtual-reality simulator cabinet monstrosity that couldn't come home very easily.
The SNES Mechwarrior initially seems very impressive. The engine renders pretty large Mode-7 landscapes, with features like water you sink down in, and jumpjets you can take off with. You can use your war money to kit out your giant robot with an assortment of neat weapons, and choose between different sorts of missions as you pursue your parents' killers.
The problem is that the gameplay is totally lacking. The water lowers your camera, but you don't slow down or encur any defense bonus. Jumpjets lift you up, but your enemies can aim up too and there are no environmental encumberments that jets let you skip- the map is totally flat. Every mission basically boils down to "kill everything before it kills you" except for base attack missions, which are more "kill the base and ignore everything else."
Weapons could lead to good technical variety, but they don't. The only weapon you need is short range homing missiles, and the more the better. Just waddle your robot up to the enemy and hold the trigger until you win. This strategy works for basically the whole game, and grows more effective as you buy robots with more armor and more room for ammo.
The variability of missions is also a weak point. Aside from the fact that there are only about 10 maps in the game (and again, none of them functionally different) you are penalized for taking too many missions on- neglect the "leads" you get from NPCs too long and you get a game over as your targets escape you. Not that money matters, once you strap on the highest number of missile tubes and buy the biggest mech, you're done.
The SNES is the first console that could approach true 3D in a meaningful way, and a number of games for it had great real and simulated 3D- Mario Kart, Star Fox 1 and 2, and a pretty competant Doom port all demonstrated that the SNES could do 3D action. Mechwarrior tries valiently, but its neat universe and promising play are undercut by a lack of variety and dull, repetitive action.
If you liked Mechwarrior but want more variety, check out Crimson Skies. No, not the steampunk air pirate game (although that is fun), the WW1 SNES shooter where you have to take down the Red Baron. It plays a lot like Mechwarrior, but with a lot more depth and complexity.
5/10
The only problem was expressing the game world to those playing. It's all well and good to say "you are looking out of the cockpit of a big robot and walking on people" over a cluttered table while swilling Mountain Dew, but it lacks oomph. The obvious thing to do was to make a video game that simulated the Mechwarrior experience.
Early DOS attempts produced interesting games that were less about combat and more about hiring and managing groups of mech mercenaries. Strategy was all well and good, but gamers wanted to jump into big robots and murder other big robots containing their friends. Of course the was the arcade game, but that was a virtual-reality simulator cabinet monstrosity that couldn't come home very easily.
The SNES Mechwarrior initially seems very impressive. The engine renders pretty large Mode-7 landscapes, with features like water you sink down in, and jumpjets you can take off with. You can use your war money to kit out your giant robot with an assortment of neat weapons, and choose between different sorts of missions as you pursue your parents' killers.
The problem is that the gameplay is totally lacking. The water lowers your camera, but you don't slow down or encur any defense bonus. Jumpjets lift you up, but your enemies can aim up too and there are no environmental encumberments that jets let you skip- the map is totally flat. Every mission basically boils down to "kill everything before it kills you" except for base attack missions, which are more "kill the base and ignore everything else."
Weapons could lead to good technical variety, but they don't. The only weapon you need is short range homing missiles, and the more the better. Just waddle your robot up to the enemy and hold the trigger until you win. This strategy works for basically the whole game, and grows more effective as you buy robots with more armor and more room for ammo.
The variability of missions is also a weak point. Aside from the fact that there are only about 10 maps in the game (and again, none of them functionally different) you are penalized for taking too many missions on- neglect the "leads" you get from NPCs too long and you get a game over as your targets escape you. Not that money matters, once you strap on the highest number of missile tubes and buy the biggest mech, you're done.
The SNES is the first console that could approach true 3D in a meaningful way, and a number of games for it had great real and simulated 3D- Mario Kart, Star Fox 1 and 2, and a pretty competant Doom port all demonstrated that the SNES could do 3D action. Mechwarrior tries valiently, but its neat universe and promising play are undercut by a lack of variety and dull, repetitive action.
If you liked Mechwarrior but want more variety, check out Crimson Skies. No, not the steampunk air pirate game (although that is fun), the WW1 SNES shooter where you have to take down the Red Baron. It plays a lot like Mechwarrior, but with a lot more depth and complexity.
5/10
Metroid Prime 3
I started playing Metroid Prime 3 for the wii last Sunday. I was expecting the game to be good, but I was surprised when I found out the game was incredible! Metroid Prime 3 still keeps a lot of the same mechanics as the previous 2D and 3D Metroid games while adding a new control set with the wii.
The wii is perfect for First Person Shooter games. The movement of the wii remote and nunchuck feels very close to that of the keyboard and mouse, while adding another perspective of immersion for the gamer.
Samus is as bad ass as ever and from where I'm currently at in the game, I can tell it\'s only going to get better. Timed sequences (the infamous self destruct scenes), close quarter combat, fast paced action scenes, and REALLY big bosses make this an awesome game to add to your wii library. I love REALLY big bosses. :) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to playing with my wii. 10/10
The wii is perfect for First Person Shooter games. The movement of the wii remote and nunchuck feels very close to that of the keyboard and mouse, while adding another perspective of immersion for the gamer.
Samus is as bad ass as ever and from where I'm currently at in the game, I can tell it\'s only going to get better. Timed sequences (the infamous self destruct scenes), close quarter combat, fast paced action scenes, and REALLY big bosses make this an awesome game to add to your wii library. I love REALLY big bosses. :) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to playing with my wii. 10/10
Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando is just one of those games that stick in your mind. You either loved it or hated it (maybe both). Renowned as one the better platformers for the NES and arcade, and also as a really hard game to beat (save state anybody?).
You start out on a simple military incursion and slowly make your way up to defeating the son of Satan himself, Hitler. Hitler has got to be the ultimate boss ever introduced in a game, I mean come on... it\'s Hitler!
Throughout the game you get many weapons and items to help you along your quest including machine guns, health packs, flash grenades, etc. One thing you don\'t get though, are saved games. This is what makes the game so hard. You don\'t even get a really long and obnoxious password to enter into the game to continue. You get three lives, a couple of continues, and a \"good luck\" from the developers. This can become really annoying and if you aren\'t playing in an emulator and using save states (you cheater!) then you better set aside a good 4 hours and gather a whole lot of patience... because you\'re going to need it.
Overall this game is excellent and with Capcom\'s recent announcements of redoing it for xbox live and releasing a 3D sequel, there is no denying that many others feel the same way. I wasted many hours of my childhood swinging from bionic arms and killing nazis. Ahhh... memories.
You start out on a simple military incursion and slowly make your way up to defeating the son of Satan himself, Hitler. Hitler has got to be the ultimate boss ever introduced in a game, I mean come on... it\'s Hitler!
Throughout the game you get many weapons and items to help you along your quest including machine guns, health packs, flash grenades, etc. One thing you don\'t get though, are saved games. This is what makes the game so hard. You don\'t even get a really long and obnoxious password to enter into the game to continue. You get three lives, a couple of continues, and a \"good luck\" from the developers. This can become really annoying and if you aren\'t playing in an emulator and using save states (you cheater!) then you better set aside a good 4 hours and gather a whole lot of patience... because you\'re going to need it.
Overall this game is excellent and with Capcom\'s recent announcements of redoing it for xbox live and releasing a 3D sequel, there is no denying that many others feel the same way. I wasted many hours of my childhood swinging from bionic arms and killing nazis. Ahhh... memories.
Harpoon Cider
Harpoon is a pretty no-frills hard cider. It's a little pricier than Strongbow, and for my money not as good: the flavor tends more toward the bitter, and the aftertaste isn't so apple-ey. Strongbow is like a beer in some ways, but you could probably actually mistake Harpoon for a beer. Some people may look for this in a cider, but I don't. Not a bad pick, but you can do better elsewhere.
5/10
5/10
Twilight
Twilight is a movie based on a book in the "Twilight" series. It's the first story in a four part list. I didn't think I was going to like this movie as it seemed to appeal mainly to teenagers and romance enthusiasts from the previews and from what I've heard. The movie surprised me.
I actually liked it and I was interested in it the whole time. I can't say if the adoption from book to movie is any good because I never read the book but the movie was well done. The special effects of the vampires powers were well done, and the way the vampires were portrayed was also well done. Everyone has a different take on the vampires and I liked the approach they used.
The romance piece of the movie was definitely the center of the story but it didn't soak up every ounce of the other aspects so I respected that. If you don't normally like romance movies (like me) then you still should give this one a chance. 7/10
I actually liked it and I was interested in it the whole time. I can't say if the adoption from book to movie is any good because I never read the book but the movie was well done. The special effects of the vampires powers were well done, and the way the vampires were portrayed was also well done. Everyone has a different take on the vampires and I liked the approach they used.
The romance piece of the movie was definitely the center of the story but it didn't soak up every ounce of the other aspects so I respected that. If you don't normally like romance movies (like me) then you still should give this one a chance. 7/10
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sword Master (NES)
Did you like the combat in the second Legend of Zelda? If the answer is yes, you're sick. But the good news is, there's a game for you anyhow, Sword Master.
The epic of Sword Master is pretty familiar: knight meets girl, knight loses girl to evil magician, knight follows girl while transforming into a wizard. The game has a nice low-fantasy Golden Axe vibe to it, but suffers in the gameplay department. The hero (let's just call him the Sword Master) can only walk right, Mario 1 style, and moves like a real knight in shining armor- kind of awkwardly. Fortunately, you can hack in all different directions with your sword, which is important since evil comes from everywhere to kill you. Spiders drop from trees, bats fly right at your head, and wolves go for your junk almost constantly. The game gets truly frustrating when ranged enemies show up, who can blast you to atoms before you get close enough to put them down, and on a few occasions when you have to make tough jumps (the Sword Master has no momentum or air control).
Combat can be pretty fun. You juke in and out, performing different sword swings and trying to line your shield up with enemy attacks. Some attacks are too heavy to block, and a few should be eaten for the sake of sticking in the fight. Fights with other sword-and-shield enemies play a lot like a fighting game, until the projectile enemies come out.
Worth noting: your dude can turn into a wizard. You should only do this in select boss fights, because the wizard form can dish out good ranged damage, but is weak on the offense.
Sword Master looks and sounds fantastic for an NES game. There's parallax backgrounds, decent music, and many characters have sampled grunts and yells when they attack (the hero sounds like he's swearing). But the pretty veneer can't disguise a brutal game. Everything is faster than you, most enemies have more health than you can ever manage, and any environments other than flat paths are nearly impossible to navigate without memorization. The first time you play this, you'll probably die harder than Marley the comically misbehaving dog before you even get through the first level. That said, I have beaten the game, so I know it can be done, and you feel pretty awesome once you do. A lot of it is luck- getting a random health potion drop mid-level can make all the difference.
To game dorks: I know there's an experience point mechanic that relates to the Wizard form and your HP and stuff, but it never seemed to help or hinder me much. So I didn't talk about it.
6/10 (7/10 if you are really patient)
The epic of Sword Master is pretty familiar: knight meets girl, knight loses girl to evil magician, knight follows girl while transforming into a wizard. The game has a nice low-fantasy Golden Axe vibe to it, but suffers in the gameplay department. The hero (let's just call him the Sword Master) can only walk right, Mario 1 style, and moves like a real knight in shining armor- kind of awkwardly. Fortunately, you can hack in all different directions with your sword, which is important since evil comes from everywhere to kill you. Spiders drop from trees, bats fly right at your head, and wolves go for your junk almost constantly. The game gets truly frustrating when ranged enemies show up, who can blast you to atoms before you get close enough to put them down, and on a few occasions when you have to make tough jumps (the Sword Master has no momentum or air control).
Combat can be pretty fun. You juke in and out, performing different sword swings and trying to line your shield up with enemy attacks. Some attacks are too heavy to block, and a few should be eaten for the sake of sticking in the fight. Fights with other sword-and-shield enemies play a lot like a fighting game, until the projectile enemies come out.
Worth noting: your dude can turn into a wizard. You should only do this in select boss fights, because the wizard form can dish out good ranged damage, but is weak on the offense.
Sword Master looks and sounds fantastic for an NES game. There's parallax backgrounds, decent music, and many characters have sampled grunts and yells when they attack (the hero sounds like he's swearing). But the pretty veneer can't disguise a brutal game. Everything is faster than you, most enemies have more health than you can ever manage, and any environments other than flat paths are nearly impossible to navigate without memorization. The first time you play this, you'll probably die harder than Marley the comically misbehaving dog before you even get through the first level. That said, I have beaten the game, so I know it can be done, and you feel pretty awesome once you do. A lot of it is luck- getting a random health potion drop mid-level can make all the difference.
To game dorks: I know there's an experience point mechanic that relates to the Wizard form and your HP and stuff, but it never seemed to help or hinder me much. So I didn't talk about it.
6/10 (7/10 if you are really patient)
Farscape #3 Boom!
Farscape is one of those rare treasures. Not only is it good, it\'s really good. Sci-fi at it\'s best. The same holds true for the comic series which is set to continue where the show left off.
I am now on numer 3 out of 4 of a mini run of the comic. By this time, they have introduced several characters that we already know, and some new character additions. They have managed to capture the characters essence, the shows humor, and the action which made farscape into a sci-fi masterpiece. I definetly recommend that you pick these up from Boom! Studios if you are a farscape fan. 9/10
I am now on numer 3 out of 4 of a mini run of the comic. By this time, they have introduced several characters that we already know, and some new character additions. They have managed to capture the characters essence, the shows humor, and the action which made farscape into a sci-fi masterpiece. I definetly recommend that you pick these up from Boom! Studios if you are a farscape fan. 9/10
New features and ways to post!
We have been adding several new features as we build up the Micro Review site. Recently we added sub categories, and the ability to add individual reviews to your favorite social media website or blog. We have also added a link in the sidebar to add the entire Micro Review blog to media sites if you choose.
The updates we are most excited about however, is the addition of our mobile version and our igoogle gadget! You can now post in multiple ways. Email, text, the mobile app, and the igoogle gadget are now all acceptable ways to post your micro reviews. :) You can check out our mobile version by going to http://m.micro-review.com. Please let us know your comments and suggestion by emailing us at microreviews2@gmail.com.
Add our google gadget to your homepage by clicking on: add us to your google homepage!
The updates we are most excited about however, is the addition of our mobile version and our igoogle gadget! You can now post in multiple ways. Email, text, the mobile app, and the igoogle gadget are now all acceptable ways to post your micro reviews. :) You can check out our mobile version by going to http://m.micro-review.com. Please let us know your comments and suggestion by emailing us at microreviews2@gmail.com.
Add our google gadget to your homepage by clicking on: add us to your google homepage!
POGO radio and mp3
In 2007 I was pondering with a computerish friend how computers could
be modified to record radio programs off the air directly to a hard
drive, so I could later make mp3 files of such classic programs as
Laura Ingraham or Rush Limbaugh. Each of these clear-thinking radio
hosts offers an internet package like Rush 24/7 etc/. for a fee. But I
did not really need the whole package as it would not completely solve
my problem, and I did not want to pay the fee.
Problem: Rush is on the air when I am working. I wanted to be able to
hear him on radio while I ride bicycle home from work etc. I wanted to
hear his programs while shopping at the grocery too. I could fill
cassettes with the show and carry a small cassette player, but an mp3
with the proper functions would be better.
Solution: Radio Your Way LX.
How does it help? It does everything the box claims, and more. This
product, the size of a pack of cards, does more than a full size
computer can do to record radio programming. Onboard, it has a tape
record function, it also has a tuner for FM and AM (Yes Rush!). It has
a one button recording device that will record directly off the air
into mp3 files. It has a 512 mb chip to hold more than 30 hours of
programming (you can set the recording clarity level you prefer to bump
up storage space if needed.)
This device also has a slot for an external memory chip, and an onboard
rechargeable battery. It runs more than seven hours on a recharge. It
has a clock and calendar on board, so you can set it up like a tivo to
record your shows while you are at work.
I just keep it in a corner at work, and tell it to record a few hours
of shows each week for my bike rides. I still use a cassette stereo,
too, to fill tapes of programming for other uses where the mp3 player
would not be appropriate such as during weekend labor projects. But the
POGO has paid for itself because I am getting top quality recordings
without paying the extra fees to radio hosts etc.
Furthermore, this device has superior search capabilities. Unlike many,
many mp3 devices, this one will easily search to the exact minute in
any file you have stored. You don't have to hear the whole beginning
again of a 40 minute program, just to get to a key point in the program
where you had been interrupted the day before. This one will start
exactly where it was when you turned it off. Otherwise, it also has two
fast forward modes, one of which moves one minute per second, to get
you right where you want to be. I am in heaven with this thing, and
you would be too. Good luck finding one though. Mine is in the white
body, seems to now be less available, and prices seem to have doubled
to near 250 in some sites. I got mine new for 35 at a computer fair,
bought a spare three weeks later, but I am betting you cannot find one
less than 140. It is in high demand for obvious reasons.
be modified to record radio programs off the air directly to a hard
drive, so I could later make mp3 files of such classic programs as
Laura Ingraham or Rush Limbaugh. Each of these clear-thinking radio
hosts offers an internet package like Rush 24/7 etc/. for a fee. But I
did not really need the whole package as it would not completely solve
my problem, and I did not want to pay the fee.
Problem: Rush is on the air when I am working. I wanted to be able to
hear him on radio while I ride bicycle home from work etc. I wanted to
hear his programs while shopping at the grocery too. I could fill
cassettes with the show and carry a small cassette player, but an mp3
with the proper functions would be better.
Solution: Radio Your Way LX.
How does it help? It does everything the box claims, and more. This
product, the size of a pack of cards, does more than a full size
computer can do to record radio programming. Onboard, it has a tape
record function, it also has a tuner for FM and AM (Yes Rush!). It has
a one button recording device that will record directly off the air
into mp3 files. It has a 512 mb chip to hold more than 30 hours of
programming (you can set the recording clarity level you prefer to bump
up storage space if needed.)
This device also has a slot for an external memory chip, and an onboard
rechargeable battery. It runs more than seven hours on a recharge. It
has a clock and calendar on board, so you can set it up like a tivo to
record your shows while you are at work.
I just keep it in a corner at work, and tell it to record a few hours
of shows each week for my bike rides. I still use a cassette stereo,
too, to fill tapes of programming for other uses where the mp3 player
would not be appropriate such as during weekend labor projects. But the
POGO has paid for itself because I am getting top quality recordings
without paying the extra fees to radio hosts etc.
Furthermore, this device has superior search capabilities. Unlike many,
many mp3 devices, this one will easily search to the exact minute in
any file you have stored. You don't have to hear the whole beginning
again of a 40 minute program, just to get to a key point in the program
where you had been interrupted the day before. This one will start
exactly where it was when you turned it off. Otherwise, it also has two
fast forward modes, one of which moves one minute per second, to get
you right where you want to be. I am in heaven with this thing, and
you would be too. Good luck finding one though. Mine is in the white
body, seems to now be less available, and prices seem to have doubled
to near 250 in some sites. I got mine new for 35 at a computer fair,
bought a spare three weeks later, but I am betting you cannot find one
less than 140. It is in high demand for obvious reasons.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Marley and Me
From the previews of this movie, you are more than likely expecting to see the standard romantic comedy with Jennifer Anniston. Instead, you get something even worse. This movie is more of a drama in comedy sheeps clothing. The movie drags on for what feels like forever, the dialog is dry, the few bits of humor applied is hardly something to even toss a chuckle at, and they seem to skip several months to several years at whim with no indication they are doing so.
Marley and Me is about a man and his connection with his dog. They go through all of lifes experiences together, starting from marriage, to children, to the eventual dogs death. Not once did I feel anything for the characters in the movie, and there wasn't much going on to keep me interested. I mostly wanted to get up and write this review before the movie was even complete. Save yourself about two hours of your life and don't waste your time with this flick. 4/10.
Marley and Me is about a man and his connection with his dog. They go through all of lifes experiences together, starting from marriage, to children, to the eventual dogs death. Not once did I feel anything for the characters in the movie, and there wasn't much going on to keep me interested. I mostly wanted to get up and write this review before the movie was even complete. Save yourself about two hours of your life and don't waste your time with this flick. 4/10.
Snake, Rattle, and Roll: it Sucks to be a Snake
Snake, Rattle, and Roll is an oft-overlooked part of Rare's NES canon. While bad games like Battletoads and the unfortunate Battletoads and Double Dragon (there were also 16-bit ports) captured gaming public's imagination, Snake, Rattle, and Roll went under the radar.
That's not to say it didn't suck. But it still had its charm.
Snake, Rattle, and Roll is the story of two snakes (Rattle and Roll, get it?) who want to go to the moon. Because they are snakes, they can only do this by climbing a big mountain. Snakes are idiots.
Gameplay takes place on a 3/4 isometric playing field, and is very complex- the ability to jump vertically (and in one memorable level, swim) makes this game essentially three-dimensional. Of course, the NES having the limits it does means you don't go behind much stuff. Thank God for that, because the game is hard enough when you can see where you're going. This is one of those fun games where everything can kill you. Touch some pointy rocks? You die. Get stomped on by one of the many hopping foot monsters that inhabit this game? You die. Cliffs are your biggest adversaries, since falling off of one means you die too. At first the levels are pretty open and explorable, but this gives way to nightmare hellscapes made of ice (yes, it makes you slide) where every surface is slanted, all the pathways you can take are razor-thin, and there's wind. Oh, and little shover-arms keep popping out of the walls to knock you straight to hell. And sawblades come out of the ground at random. And there's rockslides. And a lot of the levels make you struggle against rushing torrential rivers to get anywhere. And did I mention wind? It's also worth pointing out that every level has a timer, usually a short one.
If all this sounds like Marble Madness, well yeah, it's kind of the same. Except you're climbing up in defiance of gravity, and it's less fair. It's also much longer. Marble had about 5 levels, and Snake has like 12. And they're big. Really big. At first you have health, gained by eating little living balls called Nibbly-Pibblies (really) and must fight enemies, but the game pretty quickly dispenses with all of that in favor of giving you no health and letting the levels kill you. There are still Nibbly-Pibblies to be had, but in each level they gain a new means of mobility. At first they just hop around stupidly, but by the end they strafe you mockingly on tiny rotors, daring you to eat them.
If you can endure the horrible difficulty level, Snake is a pretty fun game. The music is hoppin', the level design is creative, if twistedly evil, and the art is very nice for an NES game. There's some new (horrible) trick in each level to keep you guessing, and dying, for a long time.
PS: when you finally make it to the end, good luck with the final boss. You poor sap.
6/10 (8/10 if you like pain)
That's not to say it didn't suck. But it still had its charm.
Snake, Rattle, and Roll is the story of two snakes (Rattle and Roll, get it?) who want to go to the moon. Because they are snakes, they can only do this by climbing a big mountain. Snakes are idiots.
Gameplay takes place on a 3/4 isometric playing field, and is very complex- the ability to jump vertically (and in one memorable level, swim) makes this game essentially three-dimensional. Of course, the NES having the limits it does means you don't go behind much stuff. Thank God for that, because the game is hard enough when you can see where you're going. This is one of those fun games where everything can kill you. Touch some pointy rocks? You die. Get stomped on by one of the many hopping foot monsters that inhabit this game? You die. Cliffs are your biggest adversaries, since falling off of one means you die too. At first the levels are pretty open and explorable, but this gives way to nightmare hellscapes made of ice (yes, it makes you slide) where every surface is slanted, all the pathways you can take are razor-thin, and there's wind. Oh, and little shover-arms keep popping out of the walls to knock you straight to hell. And sawblades come out of the ground at random. And there's rockslides. And a lot of the levels make you struggle against rushing torrential rivers to get anywhere. And did I mention wind? It's also worth pointing out that every level has a timer, usually a short one.
If all this sounds like Marble Madness, well yeah, it's kind of the same. Except you're climbing up in defiance of gravity, and it's less fair. It's also much longer. Marble had about 5 levels, and Snake has like 12. And they're big. Really big. At first you have health, gained by eating little living balls called Nibbly-Pibblies (really) and must fight enemies, but the game pretty quickly dispenses with all of that in favor of giving you no health and letting the levels kill you. There are still Nibbly-Pibblies to be had, but in each level they gain a new means of mobility. At first they just hop around stupidly, but by the end they strafe you mockingly on tiny rotors, daring you to eat them.
If you can endure the horrible difficulty level, Snake is a pretty fun game. The music is hoppin', the level design is creative, if twistedly evil, and the art is very nice for an NES game. There's some new (horrible) trick in each level to keep you guessing, and dying, for a long time.
PS: when you finally make it to the end, good luck with the final boss. You poor sap.
6/10 (8/10 if you like pain)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hornsby's Crisp Apple Cider
Woof. I tried this when I couldn't find a British cider at the store. I should have waited. Hornsby's Crisp Apple doesn't taste like apples or alcohol- it tastes like apple candy. The taste of apple flavoring is so thick in this drink that it kills the freshness you normally associate with cider. The result is a sacchrine drink with very little body that still tastes funky. The packaging makes a show of how you should serve it as cold as possible (a reference to the European over-ice trend?) but it doesn't help. A cheap, nasty cider that tries to taste fruity by faking it. Skip this one.
3/10 (it would be lower but there are some REAL nasty ciders out there)
3/10 (it would be lower but there are some REAL nasty ciders out there)
- The Call of Cthulhu -
This isn't a new film, but it's one that not nearly enough people have talked about. So now I'm gonna. If, like me, you were a HP Lovecraft fan before hearing about this movie, don't bother with this review. Just go buy it. Do it now.
Ahem.
The Call of Cthulhu is a short film (about 45 minutes) based on the short story of the same name by famous racist lunatic HP Lovecraft. Considered one of Lovecraft's most enduring horror masterpieces, Call traces a series of seemingly unrelated events that are in fact all tied to an ancient and malevolent god, Cthulhu (a sort of a bat-winged octopus bodybuilder the size of a skyscraper). Where Cthulhu's sinister touch is felt, madness and death follow. The movie is the work of the HP Lovecraft Historical Society, a pretty well known fanclub of the late author.
What makes this movie stand out over other films made by English professors and internet dorks with a copy of Final Cut Pro and a big stack of depression-era men's magazines? In a word, effort. Not content with making an obviously fake low-budget horror film, the HPLHS instead created their own silent film, replete with chiaroscuro lighting and stop-motion creature effects. This is also authentic to the time period in which Lovecraft wrote. The effect is convincing for the most part. The antique drawing rooms and theater bayous that make up the film look wonderful, and Cthulhu's cursed city of R'lyeh is a masterwork of modeling. The high frame rate of videotape gives the film away at times, however, and some of the compositing is a little obvious.
The acting in Call is hard to critique. The performers are emulating silent-film horror parts, and do the job well, but the result isn't scary, any more than it is in genuine silent films. None of the performers breaks the feel of the film, and they all look spot on for the times and places depicted.
The soundtrack is excellent period music that fits to the film much better than a true silent film soundtrack could- there's no dialogue or effects here, but instrumental stings sync up to the action nicely. The creepy moodiness of the soundtrack generates the bulk of the spine-tingles here, and the film would suffer without it.
Obviously you can only get this movie on DVD through web-order, and at $20 it's a steal. There's an hour or so of making-of features that are pretty awesome, and my copy came with a replica of one of the newspaper clippings used in the film. Support neato indy filmmaking, and your own entertainment, and pick this one up.
Buy it from these folks: http://www.cthulhulives.org/toc.htm
Ahem.
The Call of Cthulhu is a short film (about 45 minutes) based on the short story of the same name by famous racist lunatic HP Lovecraft. Considered one of Lovecraft's most enduring horror masterpieces, Call traces a series of seemingly unrelated events that are in fact all tied to an ancient and malevolent god, Cthulhu (a sort of a bat-winged octopus bodybuilder the size of a skyscraper). Where Cthulhu's sinister touch is felt, madness and death follow. The movie is the work of the HP Lovecraft Historical Society, a pretty well known fanclub of the late author.
What makes this movie stand out over other films made by English professors and internet dorks with a copy of Final Cut Pro and a big stack of depression-era men's magazines? In a word, effort. Not content with making an obviously fake low-budget horror film, the HPLHS instead created their own silent film, replete with chiaroscuro lighting and stop-motion creature effects. This is also authentic to the time period in which Lovecraft wrote. The effect is convincing for the most part. The antique drawing rooms and theater bayous that make up the film look wonderful, and Cthulhu's cursed city of R'lyeh is a masterwork of modeling. The high frame rate of videotape gives the film away at times, however, and some of the compositing is a little obvious.
The acting in Call is hard to critique. The performers are emulating silent-film horror parts, and do the job well, but the result isn't scary, any more than it is in genuine silent films. None of the performers breaks the feel of the film, and they all look spot on for the times and places depicted.
The soundtrack is excellent period music that fits to the film much better than a true silent film soundtrack could- there's no dialogue or effects here, but instrumental stings sync up to the action nicely. The creepy moodiness of the soundtrack generates the bulk of the spine-tingles here, and the film would suffer without it.
Obviously you can only get this movie on DVD through web-order, and at $20 it's a steal. There's an hour or so of making-of features that are pretty awesome, and my copy came with a replica of one of the newspaper clippings used in the film. Support neato indy filmmaking, and your own entertainment, and pick this one up.
Buy it from these folks: http://www.cthulhulives.org/toc.htm
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Gosling's Black Seal Rum
Most Americans like amber rum, because they like a milder flavor; white rum, because they like lighter fluid; or infused white rum, because they have no taste whatsoever. But for the true rum experience, you want black rum. The oldest and most strongly flavored, black rum has a strong molasses taste and invigorating aroma that are easy to appreciate. Black rum is also great for mixing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Black Seal is a solid black rum. It lacks the medicine taste of cheaper black rums, and is about as strong as rum can be and still go down smooth. Black seal is perfect by itself, or over ice with some lime, but it's pushed as a mixing liquor. The trademark Dark 'N' Stormy is a worthwhile cocktail, but almost any of your favorite rum highballs will work with Black Seal.
8/10
Black Seal is a solid black rum. It lacks the medicine taste of cheaper black rums, and is about as strong as rum can be and still go down smooth. Black seal is perfect by itself, or over ice with some lime, but it's pushed as a mixing liquor. The trademark Dark 'N' Stormy is a worthwhile cocktail, but almost any of your favorite rum highballs will work with Black Seal.
8/10
Strongbow
Strongbow is one of the most prevalent English hard ciders, and just about the only one you can reliably find in many American bars. Typical of English cider, Strongbow is dry, less wine-like than a French cider, and less foamy than an American cider. It has a mild, beer-like bite with a nice, fruity finish. The sweet taste and pleasing tang of a frosty Strongbow make for good, budget-conscious dinner drinking, especially with the greasy pub snacks you usually find in places that sell Strongbow.
As with most beers and ciders, draught Strongbow has a fresher, more robust flavor than canned. A 4-pack of Strongbow will run you about 8 bucks, which is a decent value for a genuinely refreshing cider.
7/10
As with most beers and ciders, draught Strongbow has a fresher, more robust flavor than canned. A 4-pack of Strongbow will run you about 8 bucks, which is a decent value for a genuinely refreshing cider.
7/10
Monday, March 16, 2009
Who watches the Watchmen? I did and I'll never get my seven bucks back!
It's the first major release of the 2009 summer movie season, it has tons of hype, and a blue guy who is too smart and awesome to wear pants. So, how did I feel about Watchmen after leaving the theater after digesting a 3 hour movie, too much popcorn, and a large Coke? I was hungry for a much better paced movie, and I really had to pee.
Watchmen starts off with a bang, and from there it's all downhill. The first action sequence is very well done. The opening credits for the film are also great. Sadly, everything after that is pretty pedestrian. The basic plot is as follows: The world is in dire straits. Those crazy Commies are getting ready to launch nukes (we assume, as this fact is never actually SHOWN in the movie) and Richard Nixon (who is in dire need of a nose job) is freaking out about how to handle it. Elected to a third term in this alternate time line due to a rousing victory in Vietnam, Nixon comes and goes from the movie when some political back-story is needed to give the film what mild sense of urgency it has. The Doomsday Clock (which you can now get from Timex in a smaller, more fashionable wrist version) is ticking down to destruction and the Unites States rests its hopes on a super nerd turned moody blue badass, Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup). The good doctor has his hands full, as he is trying to help create an unlimited energy source while gearing up to double penetrate his girlfriend with clones of himself. I do that too, but I'm usually making hot dogs at the time.
Amidst all this fun we have the rag tag group of former "heroes" the Watchmen attempting to solve the murder mystery of one of their comrades in arms. You see, The Comedian (Edward Blake) was murdered by an unknown assailant, and it's up to Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley - yeah I have no idea who the hell he is either) to get to the bottom if it by running around town and breaking into places. He tries to enlist the help of his nerd friend Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson) in an attempt to find the killer. The final members of the crew are Silk Spectre II (played by a woman who's more wooden than the chairs in my living room), a daring slut who will jump on any guy who pays attention to her, and Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), a blond pretty boy billionaire. He's basically a fruity non-threatening version of Bruce Wayne.
Eventually the two plots meet, some things explode, Dr. Manhattan rocks out with his cock out while having mood swings, and Rorschach clues the audience in all the while with voiceovers so gruff you'd swear it was your uncle who knocks back 10 packs a day. The movie has some standout action scenes with the final conflict and prison escape being my favorites. There's tons of blood to go around, a little pointless sex here and there, and loads of trademark slow motion Zack Snyder ass kicking. However, this is all ruined by a lack of urgency. The movie just rolls from one scene to the next and the audience never really feels like all this is happening under the umbrella of an imminent nuclear war. In fact, it's almost an afterthought.
Some things also feel very rushed. For example, Dr. Manhattan goes from being a whiny bitch hiding on Mars to changing his mind in a matter of minutes, all from revealing something he already knew. Nite Owl II gets plenty of screen time, and he's a fairly likeable chap, especially when being used by Slut Spectre II, however their relationship feels forced throughout the film. Basically Nite Owl ends up getting sloppy seconds. He doesn't seem to mind though.
Rorschach is the most developed character in the film and the only one who the audience can really connect with. The Comedian is the funny man of the group, which is highly disturbing. The guy basically shoots everyone he meets, is always drunk, admits to beating women, and tries to rape the original Slut Spectre (played wonderfully by Carla Gugino). This guy is the FUNNY ONE?! He should have been called The Sadist or The Rapist, not The Comedian.
Overall, the movie was a letdown. Coming in at almost 3 hours, the pacing is more loose than Slut Spectre II after a romp in the sack with Dr. Manhattan. The acting is nothing to write home about, and the music choices seemed very out of place to me. Also, while I realize the movie took place in an alternate 80's timeline, it sure never really felt like it. In fact, all mention of that could be dropped from the movie without any impact whatsoever.
On the plus side, the directing was good, and some of the writing and dialogue was clever. David Hayter (SNAAAAAAAKE) and Alex Tse no doubt tried to cater this movie to fans of the comics and people like me who have never read it. In the end though, I think they just managed to alienate both worlds. Maybe the rumored 4 hour director's cut will change things, but if anything I feel this movie needs to get shorter instead of even longer.
Oh yeah, and Ultraman could totally take huge Dr. Manhattan.
Watchmen starts off with a bang, and from there it's all downhill. The first action sequence is very well done. The opening credits for the film are also great. Sadly, everything after that is pretty pedestrian. The basic plot is as follows: The world is in dire straits. Those crazy Commies are getting ready to launch nukes (we assume, as this fact is never actually SHOWN in the movie) and Richard Nixon (who is in dire need of a nose job) is freaking out about how to handle it. Elected to a third term in this alternate time line due to a rousing victory in Vietnam, Nixon comes and goes from the movie when some political back-story is needed to give the film what mild sense of urgency it has. The Doomsday Clock (which you can now get from Timex in a smaller, more fashionable wrist version) is ticking down to destruction and the Unites States rests its hopes on a super nerd turned moody blue badass, Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup). The good doctor has his hands full, as he is trying to help create an unlimited energy source while gearing up to double penetrate his girlfriend with clones of himself. I do that too, but I'm usually making hot dogs at the time.
Amidst all this fun we have the rag tag group of former "heroes" the Watchmen attempting to solve the murder mystery of one of their comrades in arms. You see, The Comedian (Edward Blake) was murdered by an unknown assailant, and it's up to Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley - yeah I have no idea who the hell he is either) to get to the bottom if it by running around town and breaking into places. He tries to enlist the help of his nerd friend Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson) in an attempt to find the killer. The final members of the crew are Silk Spectre II (played by a woman who's more wooden than the chairs in my living room), a daring slut who will jump on any guy who pays attention to her, and Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), a blond pretty boy billionaire. He's basically a fruity non-threatening version of Bruce Wayne.
Eventually the two plots meet, some things explode, Dr. Manhattan rocks out with his cock out while having mood swings, and Rorschach clues the audience in all the while with voiceovers so gruff you'd swear it was your uncle who knocks back 10 packs a day. The movie has some standout action scenes with the final conflict and prison escape being my favorites. There's tons of blood to go around, a little pointless sex here and there, and loads of trademark slow motion Zack Snyder ass kicking. However, this is all ruined by a lack of urgency. The movie just rolls from one scene to the next and the audience never really feels like all this is happening under the umbrella of an imminent nuclear war. In fact, it's almost an afterthought.
Some things also feel very rushed. For example, Dr. Manhattan goes from being a whiny bitch hiding on Mars to changing his mind in a matter of minutes, all from revealing something he already knew. Nite Owl II gets plenty of screen time, and he's a fairly likeable chap, especially when being used by Slut Spectre II, however their relationship feels forced throughout the film. Basically Nite Owl ends up getting sloppy seconds. He doesn't seem to mind though.
Rorschach is the most developed character in the film and the only one who the audience can really connect with. The Comedian is the funny man of the group, which is highly disturbing. The guy basically shoots everyone he meets, is always drunk, admits to beating women, and tries to rape the original Slut Spectre (played wonderfully by Carla Gugino). This guy is the FUNNY ONE?! He should have been called The Sadist or The Rapist, not The Comedian.
Overall, the movie was a letdown. Coming in at almost 3 hours, the pacing is more loose than Slut Spectre II after a romp in the sack with Dr. Manhattan. The acting is nothing to write home about, and the music choices seemed very out of place to me. Also, while I realize the movie took place in an alternate 80's timeline, it sure never really felt like it. In fact, all mention of that could be dropped from the movie without any impact whatsoever.
On the plus side, the directing was good, and some of the writing and dialogue was clever. David Hayter (SNAAAAAAAKE) and Alex Tse no doubt tried to cater this movie to fans of the comics and people like me who have never read it. In the end though, I think they just managed to alienate both worlds. Maybe the rumored 4 hour director's cut will change things, but if anything I feel this movie needs to get shorter instead of even longer.
Oh yeah, and Ultraman could totally take huge Dr. Manhattan.
D-War: You Didn't Miss Much
If you're anything like me, you like to spend time on the internet looking at movie trailers. These trailers are usually better than the movies they advertise. For instance, the Watchmen trailer made Watchmen look like a movie where stuff happens, and the Crash trailer made Crash look like a movie that contained acting.
One trailer that may have jumped out at you while you were trying to tune out your ex-girlfriend yelling at you was the trailer for D-War (short for Dragon War), a Korean-backed American Daikaiju movie where dead Korean ninjas reincarnate as the cast of Friends and have to help the army battle a giant snake. If you're like me, you probably thought it looked totally sweet, and years later, after the movie was released, you bought it rented it checked it out from the library had your fiancé check it out from the library.
First the good: there are fifteen solid minutes of totally sweet actual dragon war in this film. They are right in the middle. Highlights include a bunch of knights on velociraptors attacking the police and the pilot of an Apache shooting out the window at dragons with a Detective Special. Stuff explodes in a mighty, yet thoroughly PG-13 spectacle of violence and awesomeness.
Now the bad: the other 70 minutes or so consist of a bunch of nobody yuppie actors blanding their way through the same 5 scenes over and over. Magic reincarnated ninja guy saves girl from giant snake, takes her to see disposable cast member, hugs her platonically, giant snake shows up and wrecks stuff. Lather, rinse, repeat. When the good giant snake shows up (there's a good one, I guess) things become even messier because the giant snakes both basically look alike and you don't know who to root for.
What's ironic here is that the creators of this film felt the need to come to America to make a really, really Asian film. Giant monster cinema is bigger there than it is here, and the Power-Rangers bad guy villains fighting the army would have fit right into a Toho film. Even the cinematography feels more like Asian than American cinema. But the Americanization of the film, complete with a Western cast, makes this movie feel not like the Daikaiju epic it was meant to be, but like an American knockoff. It's an old tradition that Hollywood doesn't trust viewers to follow a movie with foreign heroes (see U-571) but it's sad to see foreign filmmakers come to America and make the same mistake. Combine vague Hollywood ethnocentrism with a mostly dull movie, and you'll realize it's no surprise you missed D-War actually coming out.
One trailer that may have jumped out at you while you were trying to tune out your ex-girlfriend yelling at you was the trailer for D-War (short for Dragon War), a Korean-backed American Daikaiju movie where dead Korean ninjas reincarnate as the cast of Friends and have to help the army battle a giant snake. If you're like me, you probably thought it looked totally sweet, and years later, after the movie was released, you bought it rented it checked it out from the library had your fiancé check it out from the library.
First the good: there are fifteen solid minutes of totally sweet actual dragon war in this film. They are right in the middle. Highlights include a bunch of knights on velociraptors attacking the police and the pilot of an Apache shooting out the window at dragons with a Detective Special. Stuff explodes in a mighty, yet thoroughly PG-13 spectacle of violence and awesomeness.
Now the bad: the other 70 minutes or so consist of a bunch of nobody yuppie actors blanding their way through the same 5 scenes over and over. Magic reincarnated ninja guy saves girl from giant snake, takes her to see disposable cast member, hugs her platonically, giant snake shows up and wrecks stuff. Lather, rinse, repeat. When the good giant snake shows up (there's a good one, I guess) things become even messier because the giant snakes both basically look alike and you don't know who to root for.
What's ironic here is that the creators of this film felt the need to come to America to make a really, really Asian film. Giant monster cinema is bigger there than it is here, and the Power-Rangers bad guy villains fighting the army would have fit right into a Toho film. Even the cinematography feels more like Asian than American cinema. But the Americanization of the film, complete with a Western cast, makes this movie feel not like the Daikaiju epic it was meant to be, but like an American knockoff. It's an old tradition that Hollywood doesn't trust viewers to follow a movie with foreign heroes (see U-571) but it's sad to see foreign filmmakers come to America and make the same mistake. Combine vague Hollywood ethnocentrism with a mostly dull movie, and you'll realize it's no surprise you missed D-War actually coming out.
Waaugh ‘Ammer Forty-Thousant Dawn a’ War Two by Relic an’ THQ, Reviewed by Thumzup da Critik
Oi! All you gitz lissen up! You gots to ‘ear about this here game, an’ whether it’s worth yer teefz. So lissen good, savvy? ‘Cause Thumzup da Ork is ‘ere to give yas the lowdown.
Dawn a’ War Two is da sequel to da bestsellin’ Dawn a’ War, which was a right and proper bit o’ dakka an choppin. ‘Cept for the third expansion, which was not in da least bit Orky an’ pounded da final nailz in Ironlore’s coffin.
Dat was a long sentence. I’s getting’ airs from my fame.
Dawn a’ War Two is a real-time-tactics game. Dat means dat instead a’ buildin’ about five hunnert turrets and hidin’ out on a hill all day long, you gots ta take it to the enemy, an’ crush some skulls. Dat’s Orky! Dakkadakkadakka! So if ya played da revolutionary World Waaugh Two game Company a’ ‘Eroes (by da same boyz) an’ thought it was fun? Den dis ‘ere is da game fer yas. Ya gets one hut, a ton a boyz, and ya go raise da roof on the other gits. Waaugh!
A lotta gitz been feedin out rumors, how good da campaign is ‘cause it’s part RPG and ya can play wit’ two boyz, ‘stead a’ just yerself. That’s pretty nice, an’ it’s fun ta get ta know yer boyz ‘fore dey get stuck in an’ fulla holez. What these gitz don't tell ya is that da campaign is a gross distortion of da known facts. You play as eight or twelve humie gitz, an ya dakkas up a whole planet a’ Orks, not to mention da Eldar an’ some purple snake-monsters. Dis is a gross mis-representin’ a’ da facts an I had ta quit in disgust. But, da campaign is executed all smooth like, an’ there’s obvious tactics, even if you are only playin’ as spineless, no-good ‘umies.
Multiplayer, dat ain’t been discussed so much yet. Dat’s 'cause, as much Dakka an’ Choppa an’ Stompa an’ Bomba an’ Tanks an’ Rockitz an’ WAAAAAAAUGH as der is, der ain’t much. Da game only ships wit’ eight stinkin’ deathmatch maps an’ four stinkin’ armies! It’s common knowin’ dat Relic loves expansion pakz, so you can be sure more’s on da way… Fer a few teefz.
The armies ya do get is da same as in da campaign, only ya gets ta play ‘em all. Da humies gets da fewest boyz, but the biggest shootaz an’ the most brainz. Dey’s straightforward an’ pretty easy to learn. Da Eldar are like da humies, only they’s got no meat on em’ an can’t take a good choppa. Dey’s all about runnin an gunnin so if yer sneaky dem’s fer ya. Den dere’s da purple space bug lizard thingies. Dey gots a bunch of special powers. Use 'em good and you can’t be stomped, but attack ‘ead on an’ you’re dead. Some gitz say dey’s overpowered but I say dey ain’t.
“But Thumzup,” ya sez. “Ya left out da best army a’ all!” No I didn’t, you idiots! I was savin’ it fer yas! Dat’s right, da Orks is back, and badder than eva! It’s da sad truth dat Orks wasn’t so hot in Dawn a’ War, but dey are now! Ya get tons of boyz, all kinds of sneaky tricks, an affordable units ta keep da other fella guessin’.
I gives this game seven outta a possible ten ‘cause it’s got pretty graffix an tons a fun dakka. I’d give it a eight or a nine, but there just ain’t a ton of stuff multi-player wise. Maybe soon we’ll get us a map editor an da user community will knock out some more maps ta play, den da game’ll be a betta value… But shame on dem boyz at Relic fer countin’ on us to do da rough stuff!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Micro Reviews
I set up a new website over the weekend. It's called Micro Reviews. You can access it by going to http://micro-review.com. It's basically an idea of mine that spawned off of wanting to start my own review site, and my interest in micro blogging and mobile updates.
I wanted to create a site where people can post their own reviews quickly and easily, wherever they are. You can also follow a twitter feed of the reviews as well, to constantly get updates on the newest reviews that people post. The twitter feed is at http://twitter.com/micro_review. I'm currently using all web based technologies that are already available, but I'm working on my own mobile version which will allow you to post new reviews as well as view the reviews in an easy to read screen. If I get even more adventurous, I may develop an iphone app at a later time.
Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas or comments for it. Wish me luck!
I wanted to create a site where people can post their own reviews quickly and easily, wherever they are. You can also follow a twitter feed of the reviews as well, to constantly get updates on the newest reviews that people post. The twitter feed is at http://twitter.com/micro_review. I'm currently using all web based technologies that are already available, but I'm working on my own mobile version which will allow you to post new reviews as well as view the reviews in an easy to read screen. If I get even more adventurous, I may develop an iphone app at a later time.
Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas or comments for it. Wish me luck!
Micro Reviews
I set up a new website over the weekend. It's called Micro Reviews. You can access it by going to http://micro-review.com. It's basically an idea of mine that spawned off of wanting to start my own review site, and my interest in micro blogging and mobile updates.
I wanted to create a site where people can post their own reviews quickly and easily, wherever they are. You can also follow a twitter feed of the reviews as well, to constantly get updates on the newest reviews that people post. The twitter feed is at http://twitter.com/micro_review. I'm currently using all web based technologies that are already available, but I'm working on my own mobile version which will allow you to post new reviews as well as view the reviews in an easy to read screen. If I get even more adventurous, I may develop an iphone app at a later time.
Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas or comments for it. Wish me luck!
I wanted to create a site where people can post their own reviews quickly and easily, wherever they are. You can also follow a twitter feed of the reviews as well, to constantly get updates on the newest reviews that people post. The twitter feed is at http://twitter.com/micro_review. I'm currently using all web based technologies that are already available, but I'm working on my own mobile version which will allow you to post new reviews as well as view the reviews in an easy to read screen. If I get even more adventurous, I may develop an iphone app at a later time.
Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas or comments for it. Wish me luck!
iPhone 3G
The iPhone 3G is the ultimate device. It's a phone, web browser, music player, video player, usb storage, gaming device, personal organizer, and more. Along with the data plan at At&t, this becomes the ultimate tool to always stay connected. In fact, I'm writing this review from my iPhone right now! I give this device an 8/10.
Watchmen
This movie sucked! I was hoping to see something similar to X-men and having not read the comic book when I was younger, I was definitely mistaken by what it was about. The whole movie was confusing, I couldn't understand what they were saying, and I had to stare at a blue penis for more than half of the movie. I give this movie a 3/10 and I do NOT recommend anyone to go and see this movie.
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