Dagan Celtic Cider

Tasting rather like poison and urine fell in love, got married, and had a kid, Dagan is a weak drink with an unpleasant undertone. Lacking the hearty beeriness of a good American cider, the crisp notes of a good English cider, or the interplay of sweet and bitter that characterizes a good French cider (it's also worse than Swedish and German cider, but I don't want to go long), Dagan is like an insult, underhanded and increasingly unpleasant the more you mull it over. In its defense it is super cheap, especially considering I got it as an import (no idea if they have a US brewery).

Avoid Dagan Cider like you would avoid Dagon, HP Lovecraft's fictional god of the evil fishmen.

2/10 (And I drank it right after I watched Wolverine, too!)

J.K. Scrumpy Cider

JK Scrumpy has a sweet overtone that suggests a fruity wine. It lacks the beeriness of an American cider; you might initially think you're drinking a french brew. However, Scrumpy is a bit different. As you drink you'll notice a discernible cidery flavor, like the brown fall cider you get in stores. The flavor of soft cider is actually rare in hard ciders, which often have a harder apple taste, and the bite of alcohol merged with this taste give this cider a crisp, fall flavor that is unique and refreshing. It's also noticeably less fizzy than most hard ciders, but that's not really an issue for me.

The ingredients list tells the tale: Apple juice and yeast, nothing else. J.K. Scrumpy is a satisfying, refreshing cider with a unique character and great taste. An excellent break-in drink for soft-cider fans looking to try the hard stuff, this cider won't let you down.

7/10

HardCore Cider

HardCore cider is a solid American style cider, a bit beeryer than English cider but still enjoyably dry. There's a strong malty flavor to this cider, but an unmistakable pleasant apple tang throughout. I didn't like it as much as a dryer cider, but it's still a good drink. It also has a nice heavy character that a lot of ciders try to avoid. I usually drink ciders with meals, but I would say the strong character of HardCore makes it more of a stand-alone drink.

6/10

Woodchuck Granny Smith Cider

The last time I tried Woodchuck I wasn't totally thrilled with it, but after some of the substandard cider I've been saddled with lately, I figured I'd try again. Woodchuck Granny Smith is the counterpart to the Hornsby's I tried a few reviews ago, and it's much better. The flavor is much more natural (a look at the ingredients reveals far fewer, which is good in any drink) and the fizz and taste are just right. As you might expect from an American cider it's kind of beery, but also light and refreshing. It's not quite a Strongbow or a Bulmers, but the difference is that you can find Woodchuck just about everywhere.

7/10

Mad Housewife White Zinfandel

Basically hobo wine for non-hobos, white zinfandels have been the guilty pleasure of the middle class since time immemorial. Bottled and served before it's old enough to drive, as sugary as orange Faygo, and the color of really cheap perfume, white zinfandel is a tasty dinnertime, snacktime, anytime wine with no artistic merit or complexity. If you can't justify buying that bottle of Tres Banditos, and Asti is too expensive, you probably want to go for some white zinfandel.

Mad Housewife, which seems to be positioned as wine for alcoholic homemakers, makes a pretty bleh zinfandel. The wine is pretty fizzy, and despite some initial sweetness has a kind of bitter, chalky aftertaste. It's totally possible the bottle I got was skunked; it certainly tasted pretty funky. Then again, it could just be nasty cheap wine. White zinfandel usually toes the line between sugar water and vinegar pretty closely, and this stuff tasted like it just skipped a bit too far to the side.

Let me just say I am no wine snob. I make lemonade with chablis. I like Boone's Farm. I didn't like Mad Housewife, and since there are approximately a million different brands of cheapo white wine to choose from, I don't see much reason to give it another shot.

2/10

Harpoon Cider

Harpoon is a pretty no-frills hard cider. It's a little pricier than Strongbow, and for my money not as good: the flavor tends more toward the bitter, and the aftertaste isn't so apple-ey. Strongbow is like a beer in some ways, but you could probably actually mistake Harpoon for a beer. Some people may look for this in a cider, but I don't. Not a bad pick, but you can do better elsewhere.

5/10

Hornsby's Crisp Apple Cider

Woof. I tried this when I couldn't find a British cider at the store. I should have waited. Hornsby's Crisp Apple doesn't taste like apples or alcohol- it tastes like apple candy. The taste of apple flavoring is so thick in this drink that it kills the freshness you normally associate with cider. The result is a sacchrine drink with very little body that still tastes funky. The packaging makes a show of how you should serve it as cold as possible (a reference to the European over-ice trend?) but it doesn't help. A cheap, nasty cider that tries to taste fruity by faking it. Skip this one.

3/10 (it would be lower but there are some REAL nasty ciders out there)

Gosling's Black Seal Rum

Most Americans like amber rum, because they like a milder flavor; white rum, because they like lighter fluid; or infused white rum, because they have no taste whatsoever. But for the true rum experience, you want black rum. The oldest and most strongly flavored, black rum has a strong molasses taste and invigorating aroma that are easy to appreciate. Black rum is also great for mixing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Black Seal is a solid black rum. It lacks the medicine taste of cheaper black rums, and is about as strong as rum can be and still go down smooth. Black seal is perfect by itself, or over ice with some lime, but it's pushed as a mixing liquor. The trademark Dark 'N' Stormy is a worthwhile cocktail, but almost any of your favorite rum highballs will work with Black Seal.

8/10

Strongbow

Strongbow is one of the most prevalent English hard ciders, and just about the only one you can reliably find in many American bars. Typical of English cider, Strongbow is dry, less wine-like than a French cider, and less foamy than an American cider. It has a mild, beer-like bite with a nice, fruity finish. The sweet taste and pleasing tang of a frosty Strongbow make for good, budget-conscious dinner drinking, especially with the greasy pub snacks you usually find in places that sell Strongbow.

As with most beers and ciders, draught Strongbow has a fresher, more robust flavor than canned. A 4-pack of Strongbow will run you about 8 bucks, which is a decent value for a genuinely refreshing cider.

7/10